


Curiosity Can't Kill This Kitty!

by Athela



Category: The Legend of Dragoon
Genre: Animal Death, F/M, I may add explicit content to chapters later, I wrote this ages ago and it is my FAVORITE rarepair, Implied/Referenced Sex, Miscarriage, Multi, Original Character(s), Sexism, Speciesism, rewritten and rated M for mature themes, they start out different and the outside world Changes them
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2010-11-16
Updated: 2010-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:08:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27598706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Athela/pseuds/Athela
Summary: Two naive members of a dying race, star-crossed by the hands of fate. One dreamed of a life beyond magic barriers, the other of establishing a utopia; both wanted to save their people.
Relationships: Lloyd/Meru, Meru/Guaraha





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a long time ago and decided to rewrite and continue it. This chapter is more foundational and to set a historical tone of sorts before and after the Dragon Campaign.
> 
> Reader discretion is advised.

It was another world, and another time; eleven thousand years ago during the age of Creation. Endiness, an ancient planet teeming with diverse life, lay in a brilliant cluster of stars nestled within the dark hands of Soa. The lands were slowly carved by Soa's design, as ancient winds and waters created great mountains and deep inky pools of ocean, deeper than most any could travel save for the great beasts which dwell at the center of the earth. Endiness was home to many diverse creatures and a deep life force to which they were all connected, and legends say they were all sprouted from a great and gnarled tree, though if such a mythical tree existed in the past it is now dust.

Winglies, a powerful people in natural possession of incredible magic had lived freely in much of Endiness for epochs. They were creatures of high intelligence and skill, capable of flight and magic, they often lived in enormous floating cities in the clouds. Over time they became quite diverse in regional cultures and dialects, understanding their deeply intuitive magic and easily expanding their territories even beneath the sea, and these powerful cities lasted even after the end of their reign. The only creatures of Endiness to rival the intelligence and power of Winglies were the Elder Wyrms, ancient dragons of Endiness which ruled their lands under weathered tooth and claw. No one dared cross these great beasts, ancient ones in their own right, and when the Winglies and Wyrms crossed paths it was as accidental as fate can be. For millennia, each creature of Endiness kept to their own paths and familiar lands, only venturing into other territories in mutual trade and communication during the trade seasons, where the most communication between the creatures of Endiness occurred in ancient times. Minintos came from the shadows of their liminal spaces with their stardust and glimmering gems, Gigantos came from deep within the cragged rock valleys of Gloriano with metalwork and natural mineral paints--of which the recipes and methods were carefully controlled and unique to each crafter, and even Merfolk came upon the shores to trade the various shells and viscera of the seas, and each would discuss their matters and mingle before returning back to their homes after some months. This is how the ancients would gather to speak.

Over time, the minds of civilization began to change. The Wyrms of old eventually died, stuck in their old ways. Each death took thousands of years of knowledge with them, and indeed the dragons never quite recovered from the loss of their ways. They slowly became more beastlike in their mindset and practice in comparison, and though they were intelligent, became renowned as vicious and scathing creatures to be either hunted for their hides by only the incredibly brave or stupid. 

The draconic ones weren't the only civilization to be affected by time. While most other creatures had slowly lost their knowledge of the old ways, and therefore lost their connection to innate power, the Winglies only rose above them in skill. Over time this blinded the leaders and much of the people to the resources around them. Led astray by this ignorance, they gradually came to abuse it. Winglies began to expand their boundaries and conquer neighboring lands, exploiting their assets and destroying their peoples. Their rule became cruel, efficient, nearly mechanical, as they commodified even their offspring by best pedigree for the continued goal of ruling over each creature. Their reign came at a price, as over time corruption and selective breeding seemingly caused their power to decline.

Thus followed the Dragon Campaign, a great uprising of the remaining collective peoples exploited under the rule of the winged ones which finally ended with the fall of the capital Kadessa and the death of their appointed lord, Melbu Frahma, as some legends say. Countless died. The collective loss of life on all sides was terribly great, and all of civilization felt the immense ripples of war for far too many generations. Beaten and ruthlessly sought out in retribution for the crimes of their enabled rulers, the remaining Winglies disguised themselves and assimilated into Human life or fled into the crevices of the lands for fear of horrific death. The body of Melbu Frahma was never found and so the added fear of Wingly retaliation led to their near extinction.

Seemingly satisfied with victory, the remaining devastated life of Endiness scrambled to piece back the ruins into former glory to no avail. Rulers rose and fell as easily as sand blew in the winds of time, and so there were no leaders to lead the complacent aimless. Humans, which were quick to lead the uprising against the Winglies, transitioned the position of leadership into one of absolute power and rule, and no one could contest them except the wild dragons themselves. 

The world has been in constant strife with each other over thousands and thousands of years since the usurpation of power into human rule, as the Humans quickly abused their power to divide and conquer the ones they once called allies. 

This was the general grasp of Wingly history that has survived over so many thousands of years. Their bloodlines weakened and snuffed out gradually through the winds of time.

Whether all believed it was another story.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two adults learning how to be after some big news. Reader discretion is advised.

It was just like any other day, the moon loomed high above with its aqua glow against the bright sky, and Meru was off at the springs with her childhood friend, Guaraha, enjoying the natural light that spilled in through the small canyonlike enclosure. The two were often found together, and the sight of them braiding each other's long white hair, swooshing their bare legs through the icy clear water or swimming together in the spring was not entirely unusual. The village whispered in hushed tones of gossip as all do, wondering on the propriety of two young adults spending so much time so closely together, casting quick assumptions and guessing at the potency of the hypothetical lineage between a prentice guard and healer who had both grown to be so comely. 'What roles would their children fill within the community? Have they already been trying? Surely, otherwise they wouldn't be so close…' and so on and so forth just out of earshot and behind closed doors, but if anyone were confronted about it any claims would be denied. The two were certainly aware of the rude and leering looks, and the wonderings of others, and did their best to ignore them.

Today was just the same for them as they leaned back on their hands wetfooted and giggling the minutes away.

"You know" she started after the laughter died down, swooshing her leg against his, "I think I'm going to miss you a little bit when you're off officially protecting the village edge with the others, you know, after your ceremony." She pointed to the warrior's braid she had just added into his hair for him and the long black bead nestled within it. He'd been learning it and showed her as well.

"Yes, the ceremony to recognize us should be soon…" Guaraha felt along the braid she had done behind his ear and smiled warmly at her, his deep mulberry eyes glittering before darting away down the spring. The clear cold water glittered along the surface in the warm sunlight, beams broken up by the mountain crags and forest's younger evergreens. Beyond them the great mountain inclined and stood soaking up the heat of the eastern sun. He didn't say anything for awhile, digging his fingers into the soft grass and soils beneath them. Meru waited in silence, letting the sounds of the spring and birds overhead fill the silence for a while longer, her woven pine earrings and braided high-ponytail swayed when she finally turned her head with impatience. She bumped his leg with hers again, more purposefully.

"Guaraha." She called quietly, then insistently, "Guaraha?"

Another moment passed in silence, the spring water gushing past their knees and the calls of birds were the only sounds surrounding them. She waited and waited until she was sure he wouldn't speak. 

Finally he looked at her, "Sorry, Meru. I have a lot on my mind."

She never got to coax him into sharing it. Another adult had come with her children to play in the springs and called to the pair, and suddenly the conversation was over; they weren't alone anymore. Meru wanted to know what he had wanted to say, but she thought perhaps it was for the best, Guaraha was never so good with words anyhow. The two greeted the older woman as her small children ran past them to the spring, naked and giggling all the while.

"Hello Guaraha, Meru." She said, nodding and slipping down into the water beside them with a knowing smile, though why she thought she 'knew something' about them, they didn't understand. They never understood why the other adults thought they knew anything enough so as to be presumptuous of their lives.

"Your parents are looking for you, they're with the Elder and want you to come home right away."

They briefly exchanged looks before thanking her and getting up. Guaraha hesitated, chewing at his lip like he always did when he wanted to tell her something. It would have to wait, whatever it is. He busied himself with easily taking Meru up by the hand, brow still slightly furrowed, "Come on, we shouldn't keep them waiting."

Meru looked up at him before nodding in agreement, Guaraha was always ever so diligent. 

She focused hard for a moment before a brilliant set of wings flashed out behind her. Guaraha immediately did the same, and the two kicked off together hand in hand, soaring towards the Elder's chambers with a rush of wind in their faces and hair.

They soon found themselves slightly dizzy and gently touching down at the steps of the Elder's home where the guards posted outside nodded them in.

"Come on." Guaraha said breathlessly after a moment, giving her hand a hard squeeze. He didn't like to deviate from what was expected of him, and there were many expectations of his position. Obediency to the Elder was one of the expectations they both shared, and Meru hated it. She sighed and rolled her eyes as they entered the Elder's home. The walls swept up around them into a shallow sunlit dome of colored glass, she had always thought it to be beautiful and stopped to look up at it almost every time. Guaraha tugged at her impatiently. 

"Hurry up!"

"Stop tugging me." Was her stubborn reply.

Soon, they were greeted by the Elder Blano and their parents, seated among the finery of the elder's floor cushions and rugs, each one visually telling the history of their people, Meru knew each story easily as she had memorized them for the seasonal dances. They remained ignored on the floor as she focused on her parents, who were speaking pleasantly over tea with the elder in his meeting chamber. The room was large, the silvery white stone walls arched up overhead to an even grander ceiling with evergreen colored glass. If one could read through all the frills of calligraphic writing, they might read the history of their people as well. The stone floor was polished, reflecting the green light of the glass, centered beyond the low table was another large window rimmed with stained glass depicting the many seraphim of Archangel, Archangel, and more frilly writing beyond that.

The table was set with a large stone serving disc laid with many small wooden bowls and plates of cheese, flatbread, nuts, cured meats, many dried herbs such as pressed spring weed and pine needles, with the main bowls appearing to be fruit salad and a traditional bean and vegetable salad. In the center of the disc, a large teapot atop its glowing warmer and small plate with a section of honey comb.

"Ah, and there they are!" Blano began, clasping his wrinkled hands together firmly, "just the two we have been expecting! Come young ones, come sit with us. We have much to discuss."

Guaraha came to the table with Meru obediently behind, and the two quickly seated themselves along the floor cushions at the table asking questions at the same time, some jumble of what's going on? The Elder just chuckled, "Please younglings, relax and help yourselves. Your parents and I were just discussing important matters."

Socialties and rank were important, and so pleasant conversation always took place before business. They passed the next few minutes fixing their tea and lightly filling their plates with cheeses and the like, Guaraha discussing with their elders their time at the spring and how they had been told to come there, both still a little confused as to why their presence was requested. Meru sat silently, obedient. Bored. She hated pleasantries and wanted them to just say when Guaraha was being taken away to the forest edge and when she, a healer and the best dancer of the women, was to lead the ceremony.

"Elder," Meru finally began, "Did you ask us to come here because Guaraha is going away soon? Does it have to be now?"

Her father fixed her with a stern look for her rudeness, "Meru!"

Meru straightened on her seat and bowed her head in shame. Her cheeks suddenly felt very hot. In her village, women were scarcely allowed to speak, and girls less so. She was there simply as decoration and formality, and no matter how many times she was reminded she could never keep her mouth shut for long. The gaunt man straightened in his seat, satisfied with her reaction and conceded to the Elder. 

"Forgive us, Elder."

Blano nodded to him turned back to his youngest guests, pleased.

"Well, to business then. The children of age have been called here today to discuss some very important news."

Meru grit her teeth behind a respectful smile to the Elder, hands folded in her lap and fidgeting under the table. The silence felt like forever, what was taking so long? Meru wished anything that she could turn to the Elder or her parents and demand answers instead of enduring such drawn out meetings. 

"These younglings are both exceptional in skill and lineage. As we know, Guaraha shows great promise in protecting our village with the other men, and has great inheritance. He is careful, dutiful. Meru is the most beautiful and shows great promise in the future position of village healer, she already does well to lead herself and the dances. All in the forest see that the two are incredibly close."

They sat expectantly, politely. Something within Meru understood where this was going, clamoring inside of her gut while she sat silently in stubborn denial of the day she knew would come, the day she was given off to another of her village to be ceremonially tethered in ownership and bred. Beside her, her closest friend of her entire life sat rigidly with his chest puffed proudly and a small smile tugging at his lip. She was absolutely frozen as she was being given to the man beside her.

"Thusly, it is strongly within my heart that I announce my approval and decision that the two of you so paired shall continue on to become one, as man and woman do."

Her heart dropped out of her body entirely while his soared into the clouds. Meru heard nothing, and only barely felt herself smile rigidly.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just adults learning how they feel and trying to accept things as they are. Guaraha is an idiot but he loves her. Meru doesn't know what to feel.
> 
> Reader discretion is advised.

After another day and another dry lesson on history and, of course, the dreaded lecture of family roles and bearing of children, Meru was once more left tightlipped and rigid. Guaraha carried on easily in comparison, as the table had been referring to him as 'young master' while she became 'young mistress'. It was an exhausting lunch conversation that lasted longer than it ought to. Once the families were satisfied they went on their separate ways with Guaraha and Meru who were both now doomed, she thought, to being dreadfully pressed with all the unsolicited advice and criticism one could imagine over the coming months, and longer after that. Around the village the stares and knowing smiles grew with intensity, and the whispers and comments even louder.

The sun was already setting and the cool humidity of night seeping in all around them when they finally escaped the confines of the discussion and the two waited in silence on the wide stone steps, waiting on their parents. Guaraha had offered her a hand which she promptly refused, and it earned her a sour look. 

"Meru its been a week since we've become decided by the elder, and the village approves of our closeness. I'm your friend of good lineage and offer you much, so why is it that you refuse me now?"

"They paired us when we were young, Guaraha, it is by design that we've become decided, not choice." She answered quietly, shaking her head, "You are my friend, but still a man… I don't know where to begin."

Guaraha stared at her, searching for the right thing to say. Being practical, he finally found something, "If you're concerned about bearing my children, you don't need to be. My lineage is potent and your hips are of good stock, we are wellsuited for the task."

She gaped at him, heat rising up in her pale cheeks, "You speak of me as if I am some animal, some mountain cat!"

"I speak of the truth, Meru, it's our duty to our people." He scoffed, "As the elder has said we are a strong union, one which he has yet to see for awhile. We will do well to stave our people from dying out!"

"We have been dying out for eleven thousand years! And yet here we remain stuck in time, dwindling and afraid."

He clenched his fists and spoke in his most authoritative voice to her, and she was immediately aware of it, "That's enough. What's done is done, we are paired to become one and provide. You have to accept that I speak for the both of us now, Meru."

Anger roiled within her gut, blossoming soon to her chest, her throat, and she clenched her jaw to keep it contained. Her face and eyes were hot as she burned against him, and yet he did not feel it. The women of her village were always to be silent, dutiful. Obedient. She measured out a breath before speaking carefully to contain her scorn.

"I will speak for myself."

The decision was not hers to make, it never was. Her childhood friend, now decided young master, shook his head.

Their quarrel simmered as their parents came out to meet them, and the two quietly followed down the darkening mossy path. The distance between them grew as they slowed behind, bare feet prodded every so often within the cushioned moss by an offending pebble. Rock fireflies slowly danced and flickered in the surrounding trees around them, and the crickets chirped their courtship. Guaraha put her words behind them and steeled himself as they continued down the path. He had meant to tell her his true feelings at the springs, and wanted to be completely open with her and the truth about his feelings. 'Since we are to unite on this path I may as well just say it' he figured. He had to say it now, she had the right to at least hear it, maybe it would help her be less angry with him.

"Meru I need to say something. What I wanted to say back at the springs the other day… what I want to say all days… Is that I want to be with you."

Still angry, she only stared at him in silence. Meru wasn't sure what to say to him, what could she even say? Was his confession really what he had wanted to say all of this time? Did he really want to be with her or was he just saying so? And how did she feel, would they really be able to do this? She doubted him in her anger. Her voice failed her.

"I want to be with you, I want to have you, to hold you, to love you and see our children grow as we grow old together." 

The silence stretched on for a moment, the rock fireflies sparkling all around them and for another familiar moment they felt alone together... all this time he had built up to admit his feelings to her and the words didn't do any of it justice, but he finally said it. Meru stood there, throat clogged with words she didn't know how to say.

"I just wanted you to hear it, but then…" he waived his arm back towards the Elder's home. 

She nodded, of course, understanding at once. 

'But then everything had happened.'

Sighing, he turned and walked after his parents, and she was left barefooted in the cool moss, screaming inside to do something--anything except stand there feeling some horrible mix of being trapped, powerless and suddenly alone. Meru lay in her bed that night with a strange feeling rolling around inside of her, the dread of being pushed into stifled captivity with the man she so presently loved and hated the most.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first chapter with awkward implied sex in it. Reader discretion is advised. 
> 
> Just adults learning how they feel and trying to accept things as they are. Guaraha is an idiot but he loves her.

Weeks had passed after they'd been informed of their marriage, and after being scolded or reminded of responsibilities with just so much intrusive advice for what felt like the millionth time, Meru had had enough. Meru had excused herself abruptly from dinner that night, and holed herself up in her room until dark. She had taken to sneaking away when she wanted to be out alone without Guaraha as her escort, and now that they were made to be united soon, well… there was no way she was allowed out on her own now. Meru heaved a heavy sigh and reasoned to herself in irritation, 'to protect my virtue.' 

Now that they were both aware of their fated future, she noticed he crossed her mind more often with disappointment instead of pleasure. She had liked him a lot, they'd grown up closely together after all, but the announcement and planning their union was something that really bothered her. The two had known each other for their entire lives, and she chewed at her lip in anger thinking over the whole situation she found herself in. Just how much of her life had actually been hers to decide? Were they truly close, or was this all their parents' design? 

Why can't I just decide on my own?

The pressures of marriage and courtship kept her restless all day and night, especially after receiving unsolicited advice (and scoldings) at what felt like every angle, and then all of the looks and horrible whispers over her virtue. She sighed in her bed, her stomach turning just thinking about the future, with the obligation of marriage comes the strong expectation of children and homemaking on her part. It was her duty, her purpose to the village to provide repeatedly, and all of her status outside of her future husband was now overshadowed by him. The thought made her sick.

Meru threw herself back down onto her bed with a loud groan, staring at the ceiling. She didn't want any of that for herself at all, to be stuck in the forest living a boring quiet life of centuries bogged down with homekeeping and constant children. A tired life in eternal hiding while they dwindled away, fated for extinction and fighting against it. The roiling of her gut grew bitter as she yearned for something else… something more which waited for her. She knew it was there, somewhere, intuitively.

Hours passed while she waited in her bed, and the moon that never set shone brightly down at her from up above after darkness fell. She crept to her door frame and pressed an ear against it, listening for any movement in the house. It was late, and she could hear her parents continuing their duty in the bedroom down the hall. There may yet be another mouth to feed, she thought, now confident that they wouldn't hear her leave. Meru carefully closed her door behind her and paused, padding slowly through the dark hallway past their room, through the main room and entryway, and finally through the back door which led past the cold room.

Walking carefully along the moonlit path and sticking close to shadows, Meru made her way to the springs up the mountain. No matter what, whenever she was upset and needed time alone, the water and rock fireflies always helped to soothe her. Tonight was definitely a night she sought the comfort of the springs, and no one was going to stop her. It took awhile, but her ears pricked up when the running water was close, and relief already found its way between her shoulders. A few minutes later and she stood at the bank's edge, dipping her toes in upon arrival with a smile and greeting the water, "Hello old friend." 

It took seconds for her to strip down to nothing and dive into the icy pools, only breaking the surface to feel the chill of air against her skin. It felt so good to swim, and she swam along the bottom, running her fingers through the spring weeds and letting the plants brush and tickle against her naked body. After awhile she lay back and enjoyed floating weightlessly without magic, staring up past lush trees to the moons and stars visible between the dark walls of the mountain, letting her shoulders unwind while the fish swam beneath her with curiosity. It didn't take long for her mind to wander back to worrying. All of the looks, all of the whispers.

Gone were the times of childlike play in Meru's life. Ever since she was little she would run and play and dream as she pleased. Sure, it got her in plenty of trouble with the elders, but they were all stuffy relics stuck deep in their ways. Meru always assumed they had forgotten how to have fun, and as she got older she realized it wasn't that they'd gotten old. No, to Meru it became clearer by the day that they were all afraid. They were in fear for the lineage of their people as a species, forever hiding in the shadow of Human dominance. The noose of their weakening power and threat of being discovered once again by Humans drawing tighter around their necks by the days, weeks... years… centuries...

When had she started to notice the fear in the adults? The dark circles under their eyes, the scarce use of magic, taking to the skies on what were once powerful wings of light less and less? Meru couldn't recall for the life of her when she'd become acutely aware, but she understood that it began long before she was a baby, even longer still than her most recent predecessors in the ocean of life. They all felt it, the doom of an ever weakening species struggling to adapt in a modern age, doomed ever still as they had hidden themselves away. My ancestors were afraid because they're still stuck in the old ways of our people during the Dragon Campaign, thought Meru that starlit night, as she floated in the icy spring waters that reflected the ever present glow of the unset and ever-looming moon. She enjoyed the company of it in an odd way, knowing that she was naked and alone with it, with nothing else to judge her or strangle her with another noose... one of settling down and having so many children in an attempt to preserve her dwindling race. 

But if we are already weakening, are we not going to die out anyway? Why hide away and not even bother to change, and burden me with it? What a stupid thing! I don't want to be pressured into so many births and having to raise the ones that survive! I don't want to stay here in fear! She thought, floating under the moon. 

She felt the heat rise up in her belly and chest again, angry that her closest friendship, their whole lives, now suddenly felt like a lie. She couldn't trust any amiable feelings they shared now because they couldn't possibly know at this point whether such feelings were disingenuous, they'd been paired together in the hope of becoming one and producing many strong and well-built children when the time came. And so the time had come.

The gentle bauble of water and occasional hoot of an owl in the distance kept her swimming for a long while in the water with her thoughts, diving and skirting the smooth stones and ticklish spring weed along the bottom, and the moon provided ever present company. An old God never born, an eternal memory of the folly of her people. She asked questions to it sometimes, and tonight she considered it, though she did not ask her questions aloud. She wondered if she and Guaraha were truly fated to be together, doomed to be pressed into the constant struggle of successful births. How many times would they expect her to provide healthy children before it to be considered appropriate to stop? She had sixteen other siblings alone, and her parents were back home producing more. The numbers she thought became more ridiculous and exaggerated as time passed. Finally, she floated again on her back and stared at the moon, thinking very clearly to it and listening as hard as she could.

Moon, she began, am I fated for something more than the life expected of me here?

For a while, she heard nothing except the running spring and muffled crickets and owls in the forest, feeling the cool breeze graze across her skin. Her slightly pointed ears twitched softly as she closed her eyes and did her best to listen even harder when, finally, she started to hear something through the thickness of the water. A single, reverberating and resounding hiss rippling through the dark spring of her mind…

Yes.

Her eyes shot open and she floundered, suddenly struggling to tread water. The hiss had seemingly pressed into her for a moment, and just like that it was gone. Her brow furrowed and she blinked, righting herself and floating once again, staring at the moon.

Surely she had imagined it?

She floated there becoming aware of the chill in her body, she allowed herself to feel it for a while longer, letting the icy water penetrate her senses. No other words came to her, and she soon gave in to disappointment. 

'No, of course I've imagined it. I want so much for my life to be something more but it isn't. I'm here.' She thought sadly.  
She realized that they were both eventually going to become intimately close in a terrifyingly unfamiliar way, and she would have nothing to cover herself with, have nowhere to hide, and have nothing to separate them. Meru realized in horror that from then on nothing would separate them in that way, and she would become entirely his in a way she didn't choose, a way she didn't know if she had or would ever truly want. All of her private and naive curiosities of him would soon be answered, and the young woman was suddenly filled with a nauseous combination of excitement for her curiosity to be quelled, and fear of what actions that meant would come to pass. 

It was a cool autumn day when Meru walked along the rocky mountain path between the old firs and river with her betrothed. They walked this path and often followed the spring as it carved out its way through centuries of stone and tumbled down the dark peak. She dressed in plain dark skirts cinched tightly at the waist with a slate colored triangle shawl under a simple leather belt. She wore her long hair half up in typical fashion, braided and beaded tresses cascading down her back and around her shoulders. Guaraha walked beside her in similarly dark robes which were now lightly overlaid with dark leather armor. His hair had a brand new braid and beading pattern, all signifiers of his new position. They spoke more easily these days, like they'd used to, and every now and then she bent to retrieve pine needles and acorns from the path for future basket weaving and dye. His red eyes occasionally glinted with great longing to her breast as it shone warmly in the sun. She pretended not to notice. 

He often imagined the two of them like this in the future, walking this path just along the cragged black peak under the trees with children giggling in tow, safe, happy. They came to a small clearing past the waterfall as the mountain declined and came to rest along the barren edge.

"Do you ever wonder what it's like, out there?" Meru asked plainly. She sat beside him, legs splayed over the edge beneath her skirts. He watched her with a hint of sadness as she looked out far beyond the horizon, long white hair haloed by the westering sun.

"No. I think of here and now, with you. I think of our future and the village." 

She sighed but didn't take her honey red eyes away from that horizon, the forest and lands alight with so many colors of the season twisting far off and overshadowed in the mountainside. The stark crystal palace marking the age of Humans and reminder of their ancestors' bloodied past glittered still farther off in the distance.

He sighed heavily through his nose, he wanted her to look to him as she used to, to have her sweet eyes gaze into him and see if she tasted just as well. He dreamed of it.

"... Listen, I... I want to make this work out for us. I know that I'm not…" he made a loose gesture with his arm, "but I want to be the one to make you feel loved and protected. We might live a typical life here and it might not end up how either of us wants it to, but don't you want to at least try it together?"

Meru stayed quiet for a moment in thought, she wanted to be honest with him but as her friend, she didn't want to break his heart either. When she did finally speak it was hesitant, "We can't be sure of our feelings anymore in the way of things, can we? Our parents planned this from the beginning and for all we know the whole thing is a farce. I don't want to live my whole life having never seen the modern world and I definitely don't want to be stuck here for centuries with this feeling growing deeply within me… Oh, Guaraha it terrifies me!"

He shifted his weight nervously, this was definitely not going the way either of them had planned. He was wishful for marriage, truly, but he cursed the announced union for tangling his relationship with Meru into so many knots.

"It terrifies me too! I wish I'd not been such a coward and confessed to you sooner, maybe then this would all be different." The glimmer in his eyes continued to grow in the sunlight, "I just don't know what to do anymore… months ago we were fine, and then… Well," he gestured in the space between them hopelessly, "...this."

They both sighed in near unison, and Meru crossed her arms tighter, locks of hair swaying in the wind as she looked down, suddenly the woven pattern of the shawl in her lap was of immense interest.

"What else can we do?" She finally said. He could hear the quiet resentment in her voice.

Deep inside himself the young guard knew that he loved her without a doubt. He wanted to prove it to her, but nothing acceptable came to mind. She wouldn’t believe it was really real anyway, and somewhere deep down, even though he denied it, he wouldn’t either.

"Surely nothing to spare our virtue."

"Guaraha!" She hissed, and the heat crept into her cheeks.

"You asked," he sputtered with embarrassment, "it's the truth!"

"And you have honestly answered!" she replied. 

They spent a moment in the mutual discomfort of such childish embarrassment, each respectively reflecting on their own private curiosities of the other.

"Well… I guess it's good to get all of the embarrassment out now. We have to lay together eventually." She mused, "It is expected of us, after all."

He looked at her then, hopeful in the waning light, "Do you want to?"

She leaned back onto her hands and thought over his question, recalling back to moments he'd privately crossed her mind. Meru wanted desperately to calm the familiar curiosity that ran through her skin and suddenly caused her heart to flutter in her chest.

"Well, I'll admit…" she hesitated, sucking in a deep breath through her teeth to calm herself as her heart continued to flutter. Guaraha silently watched on with great interest.

"I've been curious to know what it's like to lay with you. To understand and experience what it's all like."

His heart leapt, and it was his turn to steady himself with a measured breath.

"You've thought about it, laying together?"

"I've had to."

Such was the way of her life even if she didn't want it to be, and the life of all of the women in her village, maybe even some men. She finally turned away from the horizon, that colorful autumn view of the outside world spanning outward forever, after one long and final gaze. She met the longing mulberry eyes of the man before her, and his eyes were so deeply full of her. They held that moment in silence while the wind whistled through the great pines behind them, their arboreal shadow now cast down across the path. The waterfall hissed in the distance. 

"I suppose finding out with you won't kill me." She sighed finally.

"No, I suppose that it wouldn't." He replied, still holding her gaze, "I'd rather us discover it together away from everyone..."

Meru hummed in response, comforted at least in their shared dread of consummation practices and looked down when she felt his hand take hers gently. Guaraha leaned in after a brief moment and tilted her back to him by the chin, placing his lips softly against hers. Their eyes fluttered shut as the two experienced the warmth of each other's mouths in romance for the first time. They breathlessly parted after the long moment to observe each other and he eagerly kissed her again, and she let him. Meru placed her arms around his fine shoulders and felt him curl his fingers into the long, silky hair at her neck as it craned slightly for him. She sternly told herself that this was the way of things as he clumsily kissed her neck and breast, and her body urged that she would chase that deepest curiosity with him. Guaraha kissed her skin with lust misunderstood as reverence, with what fools believe is love. He longed to fully discover her, the thought thrilled him. He had sought after her heart since they were children, desired her lips against his, dreamed of having her. He wanted to wake up each morning with his greatest treasure safely tucked into his arms and fill her with his love. She hummed softly into his hair, his trousers tightened at the sound, and he sighed heavily against her neck. 

"Let's be alone and discover, then." He said, before standing and taking her up with him.

Meru and Guaraha nervously stood hand in hand before retreating into the trees for cover, and shortly beyond the line the two settled behind a toppled old tree with thick roots. They laid out his cloak and her shawl along the fallen sandy pine needles and embraced once more on the improvised bedding under the loudly whispering trees. There enveloped in the whistling walls of pines by the river they privately discovered what might be while the Moon loomed even farther overhead, and the unborn god witnessed all in silent gestation.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meru learning how she feels. Mistakes are made which hurt, but they all move forward.
> 
> This is another chapter with more implied sex, reproductive complications, and miscarriage. Reader discretion is advised.

A month passed as the preparations of the wedding ceremony went forward, practicing the synchronized steps of the couple's dance for hours, days, and weeks together as the season steadily waned into even cooler days and nights. The chatter of forest wildlife slowly quieted into the dormancy of development, and so did the people of her village. The warrior's ceremony was complete, and Guaraha officially stood among them in high rank. The two were to be married soon in hopes that they would overwinter and successfully produce children by late spring. Everyone in the village blessed the young pair with wishes of happiness and fertility more strongly than usual.

Meru sat under the old tree outside of her home and continued to twist the bunch of dried pine needles through her fingers, spinning a new basket in her hands as she wove and wove the spiral of life along with blackened thread. The decorative design she wove along the coils represented the story of fate and she reflected on it differently these days. In a few days she and Guaraha would be officially recognized in marriage, and she was really going to be trapped in the mountainous forest like the rest of her people. Forever, or at least until the end of her life in the next several hundred years, married with the hope of children to the man she grew up beside, born from a relation too closely for much comfort. Meru thought back to that moment along the cliffside path, the two of them hidden by the old ancient trees and their younger and still admirably sized offshoots, naked and coming to the grim realization of their very real future together. The two had embraced awkwardly if not for a lack of enthusiasm and without much pleasure or ease in the first attempts of trying such a thing, but over time learned their bodies and eventually began to leave fear and embrace the buddings of passion. Meru's personal opinion was that Guaraha gained much more from their practice but she hadn't spoken about it with anyone, not yet anyways, because it was their secret until after the ceremony since such a practice was unwise. 

The silence of the coming winter had allowed her much time and freedom to reflect over her first times laying privately with her betrothed, and the dreaded drudgery of continuing to lay under him in domestic life despite the horrible tug in her gut that that life wasn't meant for her. She did her best to ignore it, and avoided talking to the moon as her marriage ceremony crept ever closer and pushed any thoughts of seeing the world for what it was all out of her mind. Even more concerning for Meru than the Moon and her dreams, she had noticed a small feeling of fullness developing deeply in her abdomen and a difference in feeling whenever Guaraha came to her over the last month. At first she thought it was some change the body underwent as she became more accustomed to him but then she began to wonder if it was something more urgent.

Meru had learned under the forest healer, a powerful old woman named Idina, and helped her deliver many forming eggs from the women. Idina had taught her the stages of child development and how to successfully join the eggs into their brooding chambers with protective magics, and she easily excelled in the ways of healing magics and preparing herbal potions. Idina recognized that Meru was exceptional and told her often that she had greater potential than her peers, and would do well with her power. She had always felt that the message shared--as the old woman's eyes glazed over in sight of some faraway place--encouraged her to leave their forest without saying so directly. The healer taught her and the other children, mostly girls, everything that she could.

Even with the power of Idina's magic, there were many times Meru had witnessed both nonviable eggs and the death of women during their passage. It terrified her, she did not want to become one of them. She worried day and night over this potentially new development in her life but did nothing to announce it or seek assistance from her teacher before the ceremony. She held her tongue whenever anyone inquired on their plans and was determined to avoid discussion of healing magics or potions until well after their official consummation. It had been their secret to discover each other comfortably before the ceremony and she was determined it would stay that way. The young woman often looked up at the Moon in thought, and though she never said it aloud, the Moon heard and understood her true desire to be free. That day Guaraha came to her and laid her down once more under the whisper of trees, and as she wanted to please him as her future husband, she let herself be filled with as much as he could give in his adoration of her. She did her best to be present and meet his passion, but for all that she tried her mind couldn't let go of the ebb and flow of things. He held her close and kissed her repeatedly in the following quiet.

"Soon I'll have you in bed as my wife." He said, giddy, and she said nothing.

The empty egg easily passed from her body into the muddy thicket that night. She numbly stirred the useless pile of goo into the wet soil and covered it over before returning inside for bed. Such was the way of things, so she told herself.

She cursed her own feeling of being ensnared in the woven web of her people, powerless to change the future in the current moment, powerless to change the present as her people slowly dwindled on into death and extinction, powerless as she was stuck in their wave of fear and anguish. Meru still profoundly longed for a different life, and despite the fact that she'd focused her sights instead on the life offered before her, a deep calling to see the world outside of the forest and escape still churned inside of her. She tried as she could to just accept that which she did not want, but it wasn't her truth. It never would be.

The Moon thrummed deeply to her as it did all those nights ago in the springs, and she heard the healer's words echo in her memory. She sat up in her bed and huffed in frustration with herself for pretending this was her truth. Maybe somewhere else with someone else, but not here.

"I'm through with feeling sorry for myself!" She hissed into darkness, and angrily set herself to packing her most important belongings. The Moon thrummed to her in the night. She did have power, she did have choice, and she would leave.

In the mist of the night she walked along the familiar village path she would walk with Guaraha leading near his usual post until she found a small break in the bushes and stopped. Meru stood there for a moment, her knapsack suddenly feeling heavier at her side. She strongly felt that she must continue, that she must stop pretending she would be happy and yet her feet kept her still. If she continued on and left her village, she would leave a mess of emotions in her wake and be unable to return. Meru thought back to the faces of her parents, siblings, and closest friends. Meru thought of Guaraha, their arrangement of marriage and growing positions within the community. She thought back to the thicket, the mess of things.

After a moment Meru shook her head and came back to the truth. The Moon, the echoed words of her ancestors, her intuition, all of it drove her forward as she continued deeper into the shadows of the leaves.

Meru continued away from the pathways and quietly made her way to the threshold under the cover of bushes and shrubs, led by the ancient voices of her ancestors urging her forward. The magical barrier hummed louder and louder as she came to it, and soon she saw the faint white haze of its power hanging in the air past the trees. She stopped and placed a hand on the feathery-worn bark of an old tree, feeling the energy pulsing through it. 

"I imagine it's a fine evening to leave." Came a familiar voice from her right.

Meru jumped and turned to see the elder Blano stepping slowly out from behind the trees, "E-Elder!" She sputtered foolishly, stuck on the spot.

"Yes, I knew that you would leave us one day." He sighed heavily as one does when faced with loss and failure, "I admit I did my best to keep you home, to protect you."

"Elder..." Meru began again, more gently. While it was true that the village defense was well established within their means, she understood the truth. They were barely safe from invaders within the veil of illusionary and protective magic. Winglies were still many separated peoples and at odds from within after so many millennia since the Campaign, "Forgive me, but I know that I need to do this."

"I know my child," he answered quietly, "The spirits told me even before you were born to your parents."

"You mean… You can hear them too? The voices in the trees and the mountains? The voice in the Moon?"

He nodded. "Yes, I hear the voices of our ancestors, but just barely. I remember all those years ago when they told me of your arrival in being, of your future power and potential, and… that one day you would choose to leave us… The healer Idina confirmed that reality to me with her many gifts..." he walked along the barrier before them, "Meru, you are a child of great potential within our village with the power and heart to lead us into a golden age. You have been given a gift which has not been seen among our people for millennia, and I have no doubt you will pass our barrier with ease. You are unfortunately also aware of what it means to leave our home."

Meru watched him pacing, watching the barrier shift in a thick miasma of fog. If she left she would lose everything she knew, but if she stayed she felt something deeply terrible would happen. She had to listen to that feeling above all else.

"Yes Elder, I do. I need to go, I know it's forbidden but I feel that this is something that I really need to do. If I stay I feel that something terrible will happen, something we have never seen."

He sighed deeply, nodding, "I see. Leave here and join the Humans at the base of our mountains. They reside in the city surrounding the forgotten palace, and elsewhere across the earth. Never reveal your lineage or our location to the Humans, Meru. They will surround you and viciously kill you if you do, and then they will come for us." He said in deadly seriousness, "Be wary of all, but follow your destiny. I'll handle the others here."

She nodded in understanding and took a step towards the barrier, then after a moment turned back to him one final time.

"Goodbye, Elder. I know that I may never return but if I am able to find a way to benefit our people I will come back with it."

"Meru," he smiled sadly, "You would have made a fantastic healer and elder of our village. May the will of the Gods be ever in your favor."

"Thank you, Elder." She nodded deeply to him before turning away and walking forward to the barrier. She stood before it and reached her hands out, palms flat as it rippled warmly against them. There was no turning back.

With a deep breath she focused on separating the thick and heavy mist of it, which crackled and fizzed as Meru pushed it gently apart. A small hole just large enough for her to get through had formed and hung there. A cold air began to blow in, and a great wind began to blow around her and suck her forward through the hole and into the darkness of the forest. She gasped as she felt herself caught in a fight for equilibrium between this new air and the air of her home, her body being pulled through a deep and dark tunnel of strange trees and rocks suspended within a void of darkness and a myriad of colors. There was no sound other than the blustering current dragging her to what felt like impending doom, no clear vision and no smell, and Meru only felt the heavy drag of gravity through the pit of her stomach as it wrenched her towards a wavering sliver of light. That light was the end of the barrier.

Focusing on that sliver, the brightest thing before her, Meru remained breathless as she hurtled through towards it. Then, everything was overtaken by that bright light.


End file.
